A lot of Australians get their news through American and international media. This is still a minority, however; most of us don’t go further than the government run ABC or one of the local free to air television networks. Without further ado: the key characters in the US election, as presented by our local media.
- Barack Obama. He’s good looking, and has a very nice speaking voice. His policy is getting troops out of Iraq; if he has other policies they are unimportant but probably all quite nice. Obama most definitely grew up in Indonesia and has a very nice speaking voice. He is black, and we pretend to understand the significance of this to Americans although we really don’t get it. He seems to be genuinely friendly towards Hillary who he defeated in a baroque contest called ‘The Primaries’ which none of us bothers to even pretend to understand. Did I mention he has a very nice speaking voice? My grandmother says he looks like Nelson Mandela, but she says that about anyone of African descent. He is not George Bush.
- Joe Biden. That dude standing next to Obama. They mentioned who he was a few days ago but only because they had to. He seems cool. He is not George Bush.
- Hillary Clinton. She’s a women. Bill, who is also cool, is her husband but it doesn’t seem to have rubbed off. We have no idea what she thinks about Iraq, but assume she’s opposed to it, whatever that means. She is being a good sport about the whole losing to Obama thing but everybody knows she really wishes she’d won. Hillary looks old. She is not George Bush.
- John McCain. McCain is a Republican. Those are the ones who like guns, invading places, and George Bush. He is old and white and looks like every other evil American politician we have seen in the movies. We don’t know what his police are but undoubtedly they involve guns, Iraq and bashing up gays. McCain has no chance of winning and is probably only running to fulfill some legal technicality. Every now and then, somebody will mention that he is actually doing well in the polls. The purpose of these results is to emphasise how crazy Americans are; they have no relation to the actual election. He is probably George Bush.
- Sarah Palin. Hey, who’s that hot librarian? What a weird accent! Is she that lady from Fargo? Her teenaged daughter is pregnant. Meh. She’s not George Bush. Hey, is she a politician or something?
- Joe Lieberman, Rush Limbaugh, Freddie Mac, Nancy Pelosi: These are probably all old white southern senators or something. They are frequently mentioned and seem to be important in some way. George Bush status unknown.
