About four months ago, an epidemic broke out here in Sydney. The disease stuck only females of around fifteen to twenty-five years of age, and was characterised by sighing, distant looks and frequent conversational reference to vampires and somebody named “Edwardo”. It was communicated via contact with any book in the “Twilight Series” by author Stephenie Meyer.

From what I have gathered, Edwardo is the main attraction of this series, a position he holds by virtue of being some kind of vampiric super-boyfriend. He cooks, he cleans, he shares his feelings, to be honest I haven’t actually read the books but I assume he does a lot of other things very well too. The point is, he is raising the bar ridiculously high and all us real world males just can’t compete. When one of my Edwardo-besotted friends told me that Meyer was so upset over a leaked early draft of her new book, Midnight Sun, that she decided to stop writing, I cackled with schadenfreudian glee. My friend seemed to think I would go against my natural interest by spreading the word about this petition to Meyer begging her to continue writing. The fool. So please don’t follow this link and sign this heartfelt plea from some very upset fans. That’s right, don’t click here and sign now.